Decieving Throughout!

I know, i am sure about something but i dont know why i am so sure?

Its an appropriate behaviour to this situation, i dont know why but something in me says say this!

I have kind of followed one strategy blindly since forever despite of kinda not doing all that good with that!

There are some things that i can never do, coz i am not made for that!
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Are those the kind of things you have said to yourself at one point or another? I do... always! There were days when i was so engrossed into being me that i had no idea if i can question my own thinking and actions, i was going with the flow decieved i was in control but whhoa that wasnt even a bit true. My internal behaviour that was in me due to my parents, genetically and the enviroment they gave me was getting stronger and stronger as my personality was being shaped! Problem came  when i realized i cant help myself feeling in a special way at some situations and friction arrives when i really want to behave otherwise, the ton of energy it would take me to stop myself was visible and i was confused!

Until as it happens with every struggle, you start getting some shine from somewhere. That phase of detachment with parents is so important during teenage in this way that it gives you the space to be who you want to be without external influence and to let the internal behaviour shape according to our needs. I started questioning my actions, each one of them, i got slow but thoughtful! I started taking the responsibility of my behaviour and punished myself with guilt every time i did something that i did automatically without any thought. This started five years back for me and when my father came back to live with us two years back, i spend every free time observing him and his influence on me, resemblances we had in actions! That really helped me get apart. I have been doing pretty good and i would say less decieved!

Less decieved because i realize a few days back that maybe its time to go deeper! Actually, I am very bad at a few things from the time i remember and the biggest of that is making over ambitious plans only to leave them aside all at once without much execution! I enjoy the process of making plans and that gives me satisfaction but that doesnt hold for actions. I realized that i have problem with actions, i usually dont act as smart as i have become. You understand, I have grown more aware of my mind but to trancend that change down to my body is hard, very very hard for me! Especially at gym, where i fail to stick to the demands of my trainer! Excuses comes naturally to me and it takes alot from me not to make them...

I am sure we arent born perfect but we have all the rights to eliminate the factors that hinder our progress inside and outside. Accepting reality and stop executing is the greatest mistake of mediocres, dont accept yourself once forever, you are changing and you have to coz for yourself you are nothing but a tool and tool needs to be reshaped when area of application changes!

Decieve yourself of some lie until it becomes you truth... isnt that the secret of success you were always looking for?