Boomerang

i lived in delhi when i was young and moved to bombay to work! i was so sad to leave my family behind, specially my mother who was the funniest and most loving person i knew, i dont think i can live without her even for a day! Earlier when the work offer came and it was Bombay i was happy coz i always wanted to go to the city mainly IIT-Bombay, now i want to go to the beach! Also there was a secret to the going, i had a breakup, very painful! and then i reached bombay...



scared and excited, i arranged my setup, my house and skyped family, i felt like calling her but i really didn't want to do it at the new place! i have already done enough and come afar to escape the pain she gave me. i left the house in night to look for food and sit at the beach but the look for food went so long, it was already very late now so i went back home and slept.

next day i sat my first foot in office, nervous, you are when you are doing something you aren't much excited about, i remember when i went to college for the first i realised how cold people were at heart and how people were so willing to drop others and take advantage. faces at office seemed similar if not more. suddenly i saw her, she looked like her? there was this instant connect and it showed up on my face as blushing shyness! i hid myself behind the water cooler. i met my boss and was reassigned the desk and in days i got to know she was the part of marketing side, i wish i was an mba, i would have got more time to see her. it was not until two months she came to me and stood... i behaved as if i was not watching her, just to show how important i was! she said - " sir is calling you!", i nodded without looking up. i stood and started going following her back, her back was so so sexy, i wish i could grab her from the back, that would feel so comfortable! and then she slowed, opened the door and went in... later that day, i met her at the coffee counter and she asked me about why i was so nervous in front of the sir even when i was being praised for the transparent report from technical side! i didn't have any answer and its then you ask yourself, wow, this person is really making me think, its then you get interested in yourself and hence, into the other person. i told her i need more time to think about my true nature and she said, she will be interested to know! we started seeing one another then.




what began with a dialogue about me became conversations about my dreams, my hopes and my fears, my everything and i liked it! it was about me and she was this already in bombay person who could relate to my struggles yet could help me out! she then opened up about her life and that brought a new spark to conversations, i really liked how she took her life! one day she came to my home to discuss the project and we sat near the door to balcony sipping coffee and talking about it, then she shifted and sat besides me to me the files properly and then closed the files and put her head on my shoulder... we made out that night and it was the best time in my life uptil that point! she was so hot, sensible and outspoken i was in love with her! 




next day was different, it was all about her from now, i used to wake up, buy flowers for her, go to office, wrap up my work and take her to lunch and then we used to drink coco juice and get back, later we used to be at my place for two hours and then i would drop her! we had a blast when she got promoted... three years went like that!

We were sitting in my bed, tired of the love we made, hugging when she told me about the stress at work that was killing her, she said she is so engrossed in loving me that she is not able to concentrate and grow and if she won't grow, she will feel more depressed! i asked her to do what she want and i will always support her and she said, see... can we take a break for a few days, i will be back to you and we will be the same, its just that now having miss this project i feel so sad, i will rethink of how to handle it and will be back! did i have a choice, i asked her? Not really... its for our good na baccha?
i said fine... 




now it was all different, she used to work mostly but i would hardly see her, all routines changed, now i started to eat more, travel more and sleep more to kill time waiting for her until one day, four months since that night i called her and asked her - how are you? her brother picked the phone up and replied - hey idiot, aren't you that asshole who troubled my sister for so long? haina? get lost you motherfucker... or i will come at your place and kill you! 

i was shocked of the insult... i wanted to die, who was i? some shit that nobody cares about... i went to the shelf and took out the bottle of sleeping pill and poured all 50 pills in a glass, mixed hot water and waited for the thing to be normal temperature. i then giving myself a chance, called her and she picked - jaan i just needed to talk to you a bit, please please please... she replied - listen i dont want to talk to you and you know what... you used me for all those days, remember the fights? remember the insults? remember how you thought i was a loser? i replied - really, did i really say that? nope... i cared for you, how can you interpret things like that? listen... she then shouted- get lost coz i am getting married asshole!!! bbye... and she cut the call!



i took the syrup i made and drank it... i felt vomiting for it was so bitter but i didn't vomit.... i stuffed a cloth in my mouth and lied there. i woke up in the hospital, i had this wire in my hand... my mother was sitting beside me but i was ashamed to see her! as i woke up... she was crying and smiling, i dont know how she could do it at the same time, she was this view of sunset after a tiring day for me! i sat down, and she hugged me so tight! she really loved me... i didn't talk fine to her since the day i met my love in bombay but she didn't care! she just cared for my smile... maa le chal mujhe yahan se, tere bina dekh kya ho jata hai mujhe? 




we came back to delhi! i bought a camera from my saving and started producing short films about love and life and everything in between, i started writing too! it took me three months but my youtube  channel started to grow... and it grew till i directed my first movie! almost five years since my suicide the day i was getting back from the ceremony in bombay to delhi, coz i never settled in bombay again, i was getting back and had this call from the girl who left me five years back! she asked me casually how i was and how happy she was to see me successful, i told her how thankful i was to have that thing from her and how it made me so strong! Within talks, she told me how her husband who was our marketing head  then, drinks and beats her and how her small daughter is so scared most of the time... she asked me if i could help her? i told her - you can talk to me when you want, i can talk to you, maybe i can assist you with some money however as a loan! i told her how easy it is to escape but the real fun lies in fighting things out... she told me how proud of me she has always been! and how only i can help her out... she asked me to take her from this man somewhere where no ones comes so we can live happily ever after! wow... really is it happening to me?



in tens of call we had i always tried motivating her like any of my friend and sent some money so she could settle away too... one day browsing my Facebook i saw a post from her brother about her uthawani, which is the last rite before cremation! not just her but her baby daughter too... upon talking to her great friend, i found she ate sleeping pills and made her kids eat it too and both died within 7 minutes! wow, it took me 7 days to be found and to be saved, i didn't wake for 7 days and was checked by house owner and sent to hospital and she dies within 7 minutes? why?

i feel... life is really fair to us mostly but death? deaths unfair... it comes so easily to some and so harshly to others! i wish i could have told her something so she could save herself but all that while she wanted me to say i love you kritika, please be mine! she wanted the whole romantic affair to reignite but me being ahead now, couldnt do just this one thing... and maybe that one thing became the reason of her ill-timed death... I wish her a peaceful stay in the skies! may you wish me great fortunes in life...