My Tiny Little Love Story

I spent the entire saturday writing a speech about my spiritual journey, I had two different speech versions ready and was ready to show that to my mentor for advise but something was amiss, something was not clicking, perhaps because of being high! and then I watched a movie - it was a love story much similar to mine!

 about a girl who was just being herself but changed me and my life - upside down. 

Her name was Ishita, a name I avoid taking these days. Our meeting was crazy, I was hosting my school’s Silver Jubilee event and I was the new headboy: suddenly the alpha male, the one who is supposed to get all respect coz he is the best. The event got over and I was leaving the hall, she was standing with her friend - sayantani, and she was talking to her - is he the headboy? chiiii… Our past headboy was so hot! I stopped gave her a look and said - I am sorry. Your name? She told me her name and starting with that day, whenever I saw her, in the corridor, playground- I would extend my hand for a handshake and say- hi! But I don't remember your name, can I call you ms. softhand? She was the first girl I shook hands with.

26th October 2013, I met her again and we settled for a big conversation, it was PTM in our school and we could talk. It was supposed to be a 10 minute conversation but call me desperate it went on for 5 hours, when I was leaving finally - she said : you know, any boy who talks to me for this long, ends up in a relationship with me! Well, I wont fall in love with you… to which she replied: and what if I do! (Holds my heart)

Three days later she came running to me and said- argh! You realise how bad you are? I am not feeling hungry, not sleeping and I am smiling all of the time, because of you! (Hold my heart again) I am sorry, I replied. She proposed me three days later. She was my ishu, I was her shibbu.

I was her 13th boyfriend, she was my first and I knew I was falling in love. She was troubled and I wanted to mend her, I wanted to give her my everything and she sure wanted it all and then I fell into her.

 I loved her eyes, I would intentionally ask her to close them for me and then open slowly. She had hairs above her lips, much like a man but they were my favourite and she used to call me a gay for doing so. I loved her when she used to punch me, when she called me with the excuse to help her with assignment and when I am explaining something she would utter - you know what, I know the answer is 3 but I love your voice you know. I loved how she introduced me to everyone she knew, there was this girl in my class I liked for four years and she once said- I would want to meet your wife someday, I took my wife to her, the girl replied - he is mad, right? Ishita replied wrapping me - noo, ye bohot acche hain, he is very nice.

A lot of problems came- my father gave me a good beating, I was on bed, news of our affair spread in school and the consequences were harsh given her mom was in the school as teacher and when my school ended, she still had one more year over there, that year was made difficult for her. And i dropped one year, so all of my days were spent waiting for just 5 minutes of conversation with her. I joined a vocal music class that year and after six months, I needed money to make calls to her, she couldn't afford it anymore. I left the class and lied to my parents, I used to go and sit in a park for all those hours for 800 rs. and I told that to her only two years later. 

One more year passed, I got into a college near my house, she went to amity, noida away from her home. She used to travel two hours to reach, stay there and come back at 8 in night tired. She started to stay frustrated, me too, I decided to not join any society, i would attend college and run to noida sector 18 metro station, wait for her and bring her back to home to preet vihar 30 minutes away but that 6 hours of travel and waiting for those 30 minutes was still worth it. I started earning for her, we used to fight because we knew even 30 minutes weren't enough for lovers as passionate as we were. I used to write poems to her, send photos, sing for her while she slept - phir le aaya dil and take her on dates every now and then. 

Being in love was tough and then one day, 6th June 2016 she came to me and said - I cannot take it shibbu, you know I have grown too comfortable in your love while I am failing the world over her, please understand me, if you won't who would! Please let me go.. I was in love and I had the habit of saying yes to her demands and so I said yes. I was happy for her, she was no more weak, she was giving away us for herself, she was taking one important step and if I won't support her, who would? 6 months later, 12th december 2016 she was on call and she was saying the meanest possible things to me, possibly because she knew I won't go otherwise and I was killing myself. But its this part of the war that I always lose - winning someone who doesnt want that. The last sentence I asked her was - Ishu, just answer me this and I will leave, do you think anyone ever can love you as much as I do? SHe replied - No one can love me as much as you do, happy? Yes, thank you so much for everything. ( puts the phone down)

I won't lie, I still love her and I am working hard in life with a promise I made to her in that last call - abhishek, be happy and do something for yourself! She is already on her 20th boyfriend away from me, I am still stuck with her coz she was my first , my tiny little love story. Thank You.