I feel like crying right now, not because of the broken heart sentiment but the realisation that i have indeed come very far in life. The kind of life i have had in all these years is amazing and if you will catch hold of the younger me, probably busy in amusing himself and tell him how it has turned out, he will be really happy.
In my first speech at toastmasters, i said i am a man of extremes and that i expressed my willingness not to be one. I think i was wrong and today i realised all my life i have striven to be Shahrukh Khan of some cliche bollywood movie. In general, trying and being HERO of the movie called life.
In October of 2007 my father had a transfer and he left us on our own. I felt free but more than that, i started waking up early to have my daily dose of songs. I was an avid television watcher, television and later computer games really made me happy. Cricket really made me happy and this was the time i could do anything whatsoever with utmost freedom, well and good. So, the activity that came most naturally to me was watching songs and movies. I started becoming fans of movies, i wanted to live those scenes now through my life. I wanted my life to be dramatic, pleasantly though.
So, i saw this girl in one of the birthday parties. It wasnt so much about how good she was but more so about my desperation, the need to have a dramatic life and what's more dramatic than love?
I had so many girls i adored and my intensity for them grew every now and then but this time i really wanted this one girl in my life, she should be as intense to me as is a heroine to Shahrukh Khan. For whom i will reincarnate and bring the gods down. So, on the night of 12th November 2007, i knew alot was about to change and i was on track to this new life, forever.
From the next day, my mind and heart started working in sync to achieve the love of my life, whom i have just seen in a party last night. Bloody, i started to go roam around streets to find her accidently. I found out through my school magazine that she was in my brother's class and wow, my brother became the bait. I started meeting him daily in the school break, something i have never done and started looking for her in the school. However, something amazing happened, i realised that to get her attention i have to be what i now know i wanted to be - an alpha male. So she could notice me and i could really get her. I had secret document file in my computer with her photo watermarked and i would write about my love for her in there, i used to be very private you would wonder, not anymore.
To get noticed, i had to, first be a good damad and for that, obviously i have to be the best in my studies and why not, i was an ace student and i needed to push myself with my life to get the recognition on stage. So, one i want that and two, i have to do things in school to get a little famous. I can go often on stage and speak, i can win competitions and get prizes so she'll know.
Suddenly, i started studying very hard. The house changed and the family was at a new place, away from childhood friends so i can change characters. I did, i became a nerd. I became someone who studies his butt off. I sort of topped the class and this went on for a few years but whilst i was ending my 8th grade and i had the recognition in hand, she left the school. Shits man! I wasnt really affected, like i didnt cry and all, maybe because i had learnt how to fall out of infatuation, haha! Something i really studied back then, i know it sounds funny now. So, i was back here in school, without motive to do anything and the summers passed.
It was 2009 and the scholar in me was out of the craze of OM SHANTI OM and Shahrukh Khan's romance. I grew into 3 IDIOTS then. I wanted to be the rancho now. I wanted to keep my watch inside my pocket and i wanted to move around in slippers, pajamas, ungroomed with side strap bag and short hairs. That is exactly how i look in my photos from that time. And then the rancho met a fatal fate - he scored less in exams, shits, that not rancho anymore and i could do anything to be the rancho i wanted to be. So, i went to this tuition where i met my kareena. Now, rancho never really showed that he cares for his kareena so much but loved her alot and thats how i became. A love that had no reason to be confronted but all the reasons to work for. My kareena was a great public speaker and great at academics, she was really sincere and i found in her someone who will go a long way holding my hand, just like Priya waited for Rancho for ten years. I started to go to public speaking contests to be around her and eventually participated in them, i lost 7 times to win the 8th time. I was noticed, as a competition though and i did better in studies. I beat her and i was happy about it, coz Rancho ought to be the smartest but one day, i did something strange.
I was in my 11 grade and just like rancho didnt care, i confronted my feelings to her. She was taken aback and me aswell, why would she behave as if she doesnt know anything, Priya knows Rancho is love, she does right? This one didnt. As days passed, it all worsened and she started hating me, she still does and i dont know why! And this was the time, i became really inspired by the heartbreak feeling. TUM HI HO was all over the place and my love for kareena became the reason for my sadness, i started to roam around in search of love. I had a position in school so it wasnt tough, to interact and all i needed in life was LOVE!
Love came, rather accidently. i mean it was like i was aiming somewhere else and someone else came with all i ever wanted. The lover in me got turned on. All i wanted to do with my life was to end it living for her and i was back. The heartbroken one sided lover was in love and he has someone who was equally vocally mad, great. TUM HI HO became her song, i was dropping one year after all the hardships i took, i think i forced on myself because i was the hero and thats how we do it. Now, all the songs i remember from 2014 are love songs and love stories. 2015 was similar but it all was a phase waiting to pass, it did. In june 2016, the guest said goodbye, i have had enough and you are too fine for me, a hero you are and i want to be with someone normal, haha. As she left, i was hit by something new, a strange wave of depression. Like, i had felt sajani paas bulao na but this channa mereya was different. I became ranbir kapoor of rockstar and ae dil hai mushkil, Aur HO Aur Ho and Channa Mereya wrenched my heart as i moved around the planet with teary eyes.
It was in 2017, i felt like travelling, i was the ranbir of jagga jasoos and srk singing safar ka hi tha main safar ka raha. 10 years, same hero, same me but from looking for love, draining all of it and moving around wanderlusting, to find myself. I saw movies with the intention to learn new things from them and i was working hard. I was still into channa mereya and broken heart gazals, phir bhi tumko chahunga seemed like my song, tera hoke rahoon and everything stayed. And then 2018 came, the heavy heart gave way to more ambitions, i wanted to achieve things. I was going to gym, doing things at better pace with better control, the startup really turned me on, This year however i feel the music and films coming up are just films and songs for me, i sing good songs, i take it as good dose of music, i think this ambition wave that started last year will continue and will help me find something good, make a good place for myself and it would only then be a newer chapter into my life. Right now it seems like i have forgotten being myself, i am more of a mature uncle so to say, adding up on weight and feeling dead. I really felt this wave of hopelessness in June, July when the startup ended and then to stand again for CAT is something i am up for.
Maybe i will crack CAT and go study in some MBA college, right when this year started - i told someone that this year feels like my 12th class days are back, they ended on a low and thats the only thing i dont want really. Waise, September is here and my father has got transferred again. Its kind of same, very same and all i have to see, i can already feel that is that when the season changes, october comes, what special feelings will it bring in my life. RIght now, i have to be the hero once again of my life and achieve something substantial for myself. Lets see...
In my first speech at toastmasters, i said i am a man of extremes and that i expressed my willingness not to be one. I think i was wrong and today i realised all my life i have striven to be Shahrukh Khan of some cliche bollywood movie. In general, trying and being HERO of the movie called life.
In October of 2007 my father had a transfer and he left us on our own. I felt free but more than that, i started waking up early to have my daily dose of songs. I was an avid television watcher, television and later computer games really made me happy. Cricket really made me happy and this was the time i could do anything whatsoever with utmost freedom, well and good. So, the activity that came most naturally to me was watching songs and movies. I started becoming fans of movies, i wanted to live those scenes now through my life. I wanted my life to be dramatic, pleasantly though.
So, i saw this girl in one of the birthday parties. It wasnt so much about how good she was but more so about my desperation, the need to have a dramatic life and what's more dramatic than love?
I had so many girls i adored and my intensity for them grew every now and then but this time i really wanted this one girl in my life, she should be as intense to me as is a heroine to Shahrukh Khan. For whom i will reincarnate and bring the gods down. So, on the night of 12th November 2007, i knew alot was about to change and i was on track to this new life, forever.
From the next day, my mind and heart started working in sync to achieve the love of my life, whom i have just seen in a party last night. Bloody, i started to go roam around streets to find her accidently. I found out through my school magazine that she was in my brother's class and wow, my brother became the bait. I started meeting him daily in the school break, something i have never done and started looking for her in the school. However, something amazing happened, i realised that to get her attention i have to be what i now know i wanted to be - an alpha male. So she could notice me and i could really get her. I had secret document file in my computer with her photo watermarked and i would write about my love for her in there, i used to be very private you would wonder, not anymore.
To get noticed, i had to, first be a good damad and for that, obviously i have to be the best in my studies and why not, i was an ace student and i needed to push myself with my life to get the recognition on stage. So, one i want that and two, i have to do things in school to get a little famous. I can go often on stage and speak, i can win competitions and get prizes so she'll know.
Suddenly, i started studying very hard. The house changed and the family was at a new place, away from childhood friends so i can change characters. I did, i became a nerd. I became someone who studies his butt off. I sort of topped the class and this went on for a few years but whilst i was ending my 8th grade and i had the recognition in hand, she left the school. Shits man! I wasnt really affected, like i didnt cry and all, maybe because i had learnt how to fall out of infatuation, haha! Something i really studied back then, i know it sounds funny now. So, i was back here in school, without motive to do anything and the summers passed.
It was 2009 and the scholar in me was out of the craze of OM SHANTI OM and Shahrukh Khan's romance. I grew into 3 IDIOTS then. I wanted to be the rancho now. I wanted to keep my watch inside my pocket and i wanted to move around in slippers, pajamas, ungroomed with side strap bag and short hairs. That is exactly how i look in my photos from that time. And then the rancho met a fatal fate - he scored less in exams, shits, that not rancho anymore and i could do anything to be the rancho i wanted to be. So, i went to this tuition where i met my kareena. Now, rancho never really showed that he cares for his kareena so much but loved her alot and thats how i became. A love that had no reason to be confronted but all the reasons to work for. My kareena was a great public speaker and great at academics, she was really sincere and i found in her someone who will go a long way holding my hand, just like Priya waited for Rancho for ten years. I started to go to public speaking contests to be around her and eventually participated in them, i lost 7 times to win the 8th time. I was noticed, as a competition though and i did better in studies. I beat her and i was happy about it, coz Rancho ought to be the smartest but one day, i did something strange.
I was in my 11 grade and just like rancho didnt care, i confronted my feelings to her. She was taken aback and me aswell, why would she behave as if she doesnt know anything, Priya knows Rancho is love, she does right? This one didnt. As days passed, it all worsened and she started hating me, she still does and i dont know why! And this was the time, i became really inspired by the heartbreak feeling. TUM HI HO was all over the place and my love for kareena became the reason for my sadness, i started to roam around in search of love. I had a position in school so it wasnt tough, to interact and all i needed in life was LOVE!
Love came, rather accidently. i mean it was like i was aiming somewhere else and someone else came with all i ever wanted. The lover in me got turned on. All i wanted to do with my life was to end it living for her and i was back. The heartbroken one sided lover was in love and he has someone who was equally vocally mad, great. TUM HI HO became her song, i was dropping one year after all the hardships i took, i think i forced on myself because i was the hero and thats how we do it. Now, all the songs i remember from 2014 are love songs and love stories. 2015 was similar but it all was a phase waiting to pass, it did. In june 2016, the guest said goodbye, i have had enough and you are too fine for me, a hero you are and i want to be with someone normal, haha. As she left, i was hit by something new, a strange wave of depression. Like, i had felt sajani paas bulao na but this channa mereya was different. I became ranbir kapoor of rockstar and ae dil hai mushkil, Aur HO Aur Ho and Channa Mereya wrenched my heart as i moved around the planet with teary eyes.
It was in 2017, i felt like travelling, i was the ranbir of jagga jasoos and srk singing safar ka hi tha main safar ka raha. 10 years, same hero, same me but from looking for love, draining all of it and moving around wanderlusting, to find myself. I saw movies with the intention to learn new things from them and i was working hard. I was still into channa mereya and broken heart gazals, phir bhi tumko chahunga seemed like my song, tera hoke rahoon and everything stayed. And then 2018 came, the heavy heart gave way to more ambitions, i wanted to achieve things. I was going to gym, doing things at better pace with better control, the startup really turned me on, This year however i feel the music and films coming up are just films and songs for me, i sing good songs, i take it as good dose of music, i think this ambition wave that started last year will continue and will help me find something good, make a good place for myself and it would only then be a newer chapter into my life. Right now it seems like i have forgotten being myself, i am more of a mature uncle so to say, adding up on weight and feeling dead. I really felt this wave of hopelessness in June, July when the startup ended and then to stand again for CAT is something i am up for.
Maybe i will crack CAT and go study in some MBA college, right when this year started - i told someone that this year feels like my 12th class days are back, they ended on a low and thats the only thing i dont want really. Waise, September is here and my father has got transferred again. Its kind of same, very same and all i have to see, i can already feel that is that when the season changes, october comes, what special feelings will it bring in my life. RIght now, i have to be the hero once again of my life and achieve something substantial for myself. Lets see...
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