She was charming and irresistible in ways people around her couldn't understand but were seduced. To levels that she could take complete control of them and later, turn them into dust. I got to be her lover for some time and i cannot stop thinking about what leads to this. I am obsessed too and this is my attempt to break away from the trap that was laid for me years ago.
I always felt she was very insecure. So there are levels of insecurity - people like me get insecure sometimes but i know people who are mostly insecure about everything related to themselves and then there she was, highly insecure. What lead to her insecurity?
I would often tell her you are egoistic but in opposite way. The one who thinks so lowly of herself that she demands all the pity, sympathy and love. She is the victim in her own world and She constantly feels she is being wronged by her loved ones. Maybe that's why she doesn't carry the guilt of destroying her lovers which she did, to most of them! She would often tell me, I feel devoid of love and attention of my parents after my sibling came and it weighed upon her. I could see small attempts of getting attention then, somehow having lovers being one of them. She would have lovers to show off to her parents, friends and ex-lovers. I remember she took me to her ex lover to brag me off and i thought it was so normal, alas! Her insecurity would manifest herself in not being able to have the love of her friends, parents and me, when i was there. A lot of credit goes to this insecurity in her, as to why she could leave me. I reached a point where i was so irritated by her behaviour that i would challenge her to think normally about situations. She tried to win me back but after sometime, she fooled both of us to feel that she is vouching for idealism which she never did, her insecurities took over.
I also feel it was a lot of about being around her. The one's who are around her will always stay under the radar of making her feel secure and loved. The same rule doesn't apply to the people who are far away and i felt it. Up Until we were in the same school, she was relentless and hopelessly romantic but as the distance grew, i realised she got colder towards me. I would not suspect if she is really imaginative, she is! But out of sight is out of mind for an insecure person for sure. Right now, She is out of my loop but if I am before her eyes somehow, you know she will find a prey in me again.
With these people, either you give them the security of love over and over again and cater to its demands or you see someone else take over their minds. The problem is when they are serious in love, the problem only aggravates and leads to hardships. Harsh Breakups are inevitable then. Then i felt she is good looking right now and lovers keep coming back and newer ones too but off age there would come a time when beauty will have to substituted by matter which i feel is missing. What will happen then?
This opens the link to the fact that she is scared, insecure and hence, selfish. I saw how over dependent she was on me and how suddenly she was not as she found other avenues. I saw how she obsessed over her brother and how she looked for her brother in her lovers. She cannot have her brother for sure but such looks oriented she is, all she needs is someone with the physical appearance of her brother. I felt i was into the zone and the newer one is, as well. You cant rely on her, as a matter of fact she cant either.
I was told she has changed - i know she is still the same but her negativity is coming out in open. Born out of a family that's insecure about their status and other things for sure, i see a negative vibe from the family. Her father came across as a reserved man who would look at how much you earn, your status and everything else. He came from a distress but has shaped himself badly. Her mother is again the same insecure person, Ishita took away alot from her and then, I see the same signs of madness in her brother and grandmother. The family has alot to do with who she has become and it upsets me that this will not change.
She cannot break free of these people, her family which when she would, she can change. I think she can be molded into someone better for sure but only away from family. I also think she needs a better lover than me who is highly secure in himself. I met her at a time where i really didnt have much to rely upon and she could crush me easily, that has changed only a little bit with time but I am sure there are people whom she can love and they will be highly secure about themselves and her, she needs such lover. She needs such relations and friends. Her friends are the key to her heart and it really depends alot that she finds good ones for her to become better.
I never really made a sane decision of loving her. My decision was very impulsive and i need to question myself if my love for her is about her insecurities only because i can't love someone whom i want to change to heavily. She must change and i must forget who she was. So i can accept who she becomes if not be a part of it. I must question my own self and feel sorry for being so immature that i aggravated her and her insecurities.
I have heard she is even more cynical and insecure now. Her friends are great friends to me and i see little contact she have with them. I wish for her sanity. I wish for her recovery and I wish she finds her security in herself first, otherwise the Ishita i knew would faint in the galis of Saket because she was not loved!
I always felt she was very insecure. So there are levels of insecurity - people like me get insecure sometimes but i know people who are mostly insecure about everything related to themselves and then there she was, highly insecure. What lead to her insecurity?
I would often tell her you are egoistic but in opposite way. The one who thinks so lowly of herself that she demands all the pity, sympathy and love. She is the victim in her own world and She constantly feels she is being wronged by her loved ones. Maybe that's why she doesn't carry the guilt of destroying her lovers which she did, to most of them! She would often tell me, I feel devoid of love and attention of my parents after my sibling came and it weighed upon her. I could see small attempts of getting attention then, somehow having lovers being one of them. She would have lovers to show off to her parents, friends and ex-lovers. I remember she took me to her ex lover to brag me off and i thought it was so normal, alas! Her insecurity would manifest herself in not being able to have the love of her friends, parents and me, when i was there. A lot of credit goes to this insecurity in her, as to why she could leave me. I reached a point where i was so irritated by her behaviour that i would challenge her to think normally about situations. She tried to win me back but after sometime, she fooled both of us to feel that she is vouching for idealism which she never did, her insecurities took over.
I also feel it was a lot of about being around her. The one's who are around her will always stay under the radar of making her feel secure and loved. The same rule doesn't apply to the people who are far away and i felt it. Up Until we were in the same school, she was relentless and hopelessly romantic but as the distance grew, i realised she got colder towards me. I would not suspect if she is really imaginative, she is! But out of sight is out of mind for an insecure person for sure. Right now, She is out of my loop but if I am before her eyes somehow, you know she will find a prey in me again.
With these people, either you give them the security of love over and over again and cater to its demands or you see someone else take over their minds. The problem is when they are serious in love, the problem only aggravates and leads to hardships. Harsh Breakups are inevitable then. Then i felt she is good looking right now and lovers keep coming back and newer ones too but off age there would come a time when beauty will have to substituted by matter which i feel is missing. What will happen then?
This opens the link to the fact that she is scared, insecure and hence, selfish. I saw how over dependent she was on me and how suddenly she was not as she found other avenues. I saw how she obsessed over her brother and how she looked for her brother in her lovers. She cannot have her brother for sure but such looks oriented she is, all she needs is someone with the physical appearance of her brother. I felt i was into the zone and the newer one is, as well. You cant rely on her, as a matter of fact she cant either.
I was told she has changed - i know she is still the same but her negativity is coming out in open. Born out of a family that's insecure about their status and other things for sure, i see a negative vibe from the family. Her father came across as a reserved man who would look at how much you earn, your status and everything else. He came from a distress but has shaped himself badly. Her mother is again the same insecure person, Ishita took away alot from her and then, I see the same signs of madness in her brother and grandmother. The family has alot to do with who she has become and it upsets me that this will not change.
She cannot break free of these people, her family which when she would, she can change. I think she can be molded into someone better for sure but only away from family. I also think she needs a better lover than me who is highly secure in himself. I met her at a time where i really didnt have much to rely upon and she could crush me easily, that has changed only a little bit with time but I am sure there are people whom she can love and they will be highly secure about themselves and her, she needs such lover. She needs such relations and friends. Her friends are the key to her heart and it really depends alot that she finds good ones for her to become better.
I never really made a sane decision of loving her. My decision was very impulsive and i need to question myself if my love for her is about her insecurities only because i can't love someone whom i want to change to heavily. She must change and i must forget who she was. So i can accept who she becomes if not be a part of it. I must question my own self and feel sorry for being so immature that i aggravated her and her insecurities.
I have heard she is even more cynical and insecure now. Her friends are great friends to me and i see little contact she have with them. I wish for her sanity. I wish for her recovery and I wish she finds her security in herself first, otherwise the Ishita i knew would faint in the galis of Saket because she was not loved!
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