Turning 24

last year was the year of change as we knew it would be. the engineering life that i didnt choose to the mba life that i chose. living with your own choices is difficult i found than looking for bright spots in a place you didnt fit into. After I turned 23, there was a rather small stint of me staying back in my previous mould. Life was seducing me into change. So, life could have gone either way on May 1 when i didnt make it to MDI. The fear came back that I will add up to nothing eventually. Life then grabbed my attention with both hands and threw it in a place i would never imagine myself into. 

Suddenly, I was about to be a father. Suddenly, the girl I love is in this health emergency that is nightmare for anyone who is my age. Life seemed unfair with what was happening to Karishma. May was really tough last year, it was really tough mentally, emotionally. I mean the year began with a big test and kept testing me throughout. By the end of May, I just wanted to fly to this new world in waiting. To focus on the right things away from here but it was such a bad spot to be in. I was about to go to Kashipur which diluted when I got a call from Ranchi. Now, I was going to Ranchi mixed with excitement, guilt and a lot of fear. MBA life as it starts, it tests you. The start is really testing and it was a sort of identity crisis with all these new courses and new environment and people who will harass you. Ranchi walked at its own pace and it was pretty fast for me. I remember putting this yellow chit on wall from Day 21 to Day 1. Each month was so heavy to pass until I got placed in October. Now, was the time to enjoy, explore and live with some satisfaction while what i did in the last three months of 2019 disgraced me. 

I got weird. I wanted to break free of the sorrow, all kinds. I wanted a new girlfriend or two, if i can hold onto them. I wanted to play some games and the way i will be brought down because of that emotionally and in my relations, the loss will be huge. 

The new year though began very positively. I wanted to mend everything that went wrong. I studied, I played harder, the internship became my burning goal and in all of that, I confessed Karishma. I wanted her to know all my darkest sides. She embraced it in a hard way, i broke her but then she came to Ranchi and that felt like the god is on our side. When she went, I became very focused and very studious. I did things I didnt think I can. that made me proud of myself. 

And then corona happened. I left everything and came back to house. Back to where it all started. In the house, yes the internship is on. yes, i completed reading few books and stuff. But there is so much more that i look forward to in 2020 and from this 24. 

Few things - 

1. I want to read and complete reading all those amazing books that i will add on amazon.

Books related to business, to life, to history and anything that fits my interest. 

2. I want to embrace my relationships more. I want be kind to people i dont know and show my immense love for the once i know and love. 

3. I want to put my body through some test and feel fit. Its very hard to feel fresh and good about myself when I am immobile. 

4. I want to experience more. Live this year like an explorer doing things that will stretch me. Doing some crazy work that i am proud of. Seizing those opportunities and not wait for one day to chase my dreams. I would like to find and start working on a startup idea. 

Its high time to leave behind the shackles of past relationships, college, regrets to look forward to the year of stretching myself and becoming a truly better version of the self.